Keeping it in Your Pants

I recently invited my friend Frank to join me for golf, along with Bob and a new member, Uwe. Knowing that Frank can be a little tense on the course, particularly at my club, which is very challenging, I took him aside and explained that Uwe was a retired priest (he had actually been an airline executive) and became troubled when anyone lost control, used profanity or acted like a jerk.

I’m proud to say that from that moment on, Frank was a model golfer. When one of his iron shots went into the lake, he said “It’s OK. I’ve got lots of balls.” He actually laughed when one of his sand shots landed in another trap, on a different green. And when his two-foot putt rolled off the green, leaving him a thirty-foot chip coming back up the hill, he said, “I’ve got this shot.”

Making this amazing day that much more amazing, was the fact that Frank had gone to the gym before playing golf (like he wasn’t going to get enough exercise on the course). After his workout and shower, Frank realized that he didn’t pack a change of underwear, so he had to “go commando.” I cringed when he shared this with us. From my perspective, having your boys roaming unrestrained would be enough to unnerve and distract any golfer. And speaking of unnerving, on the thirteenth hole, Frank was sitting in the passenger seat of Bob’s cart while Bob set up for a shot. Bob had parked the cart immediately adjacent to the ball, but Frank thought the cart, although parallel to the line of flight, was a tad close to the ball. Concerned that the cart might be a distraction to Bob, he asked if he wanted it moved further away. Bob’s negative response as he started his backswing was immediately followed by an explosive bang, as the ball careened off the underside of the cart’s roof, barely missing Frank’s skull. And that’s when Frank wished he were wearing underwear.