Most of you have been wondering why I act the way I do.
And the rest of you are just too polite to ask.
It’s not easy growing up in an Italian immigrant family that strongly preferred
beer over wine.
I never recovered from the first glass. I still can’t drink the stuff.
And since I couldn’t get into beer, my father tried another way to make
a man out of me.
Now this was something I could get into!
I thought I had seen it all until I met Marylou Sorrentino. She showed me what a lip-lock was.
After she moved out of the neighborhood, I got into masturbation.
But that didn’t satisfy me.
So, I started putting moves on Serena McCormack.
She was OK, but her mom was really hot.
After Serena’s father caught us on the beach and kicked the hell out of me,
I went back to girls my own age.
You mean that’s what guys spend their whole life chasing?
Maybe I’ll try beer again.